Being a parent is a wonderful, rewarding, amazing love-filled journey. It will change your life in ways you never expected. It can change the dynamic between you and your partner, arguably more so than any other life event. Suddenly, you’re both responsible for the health and well-being of a helpless, tiny human. The crying, the feeding, the changing of diapers, and the sleeplessness all put stress on parents. You may find that the stress negatively affects your relationship with your partner, causing you to argue over responsibilities, the division of household chores, and other things that you may not have argued about before becoming parents.
Caring for a baby is a full time, around the clock job. You and your partner are tired, your home is a mess, you need groceries and diapers and you have no idea what’s for dinner. All the time and affection you had for one another has suddenly disappeared. You may find yourselves at odds over parenting philosophies on sleep, feeding, and routines. You are not alone. In fact, the majority of partnerships suffer somewhat after having a baby. In fact studies show that the first year post baby is the lowest point in a relationship.
Thankfully, the rough patch many couples experience after having a baby is almost always temporary. The best thing you can do for one another is to nurture your relationship. Make time for one another, even if it’s only 15 minutes, even if you have to write it on the calendar. Just sitting or lying side by side, caressing or hugging each other can do wonders for your mental state and the way you perceive your partner and your relationship. Discover your Love Language. Say “please” and “thank you:” many couples report dissatisfaction in their relationship post-baby because they no longer make time for niceties. “Could you please change this diaper?” “Thank you for filling up my water bottle.” These things may sound small but they go a long way toward making you both feel loved and appreciated.
Having some downtime away from the baby, when you and your partner can reconnect and recharge, can be vital to nurturing your relationship. This could mean something as simple as cuddling on the couch together while watching a movie, or going out to dinner or even a concert. Our Postpartum Doulas are Certified Newborn Care Specialists and can care for your baby and give you the peace of mind you need to bond with your partner. Prioritizing your relationship can be the best gift you give to one another and your baby.
Choosing to raise a child together may change your relationship with your partner, but change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Many couples discover a newfound love, adoration and respect for one another in the way they care for the baby and each other. Given time, effort, and maybe a few extra hours of sleep, you may see this monumental change as the best thing to happen to your relationship.